My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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