Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
