I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
