I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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