You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
