Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
