Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think your dad took our porno
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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