By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
