You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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