Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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