It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
