So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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