this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
