I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
