I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
