Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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