Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
