I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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