i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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