you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
