he referred to my room as the tit cave...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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