He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
