Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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