fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
