I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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