i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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