Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
