Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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