margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im drinking this country out of the recession.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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