Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
