I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Your cock deserves a montage
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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