Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
