he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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