Nicole vs. Life
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
