non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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