do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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