I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
