I want to stick my p in your. b.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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