I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
