UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
