i don't like sucking hair
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
