Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Its about making memories worth repressing
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
