What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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