She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
