a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
