It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
