Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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