why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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