Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
