I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
