Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize