I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
