Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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