I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
