He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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