yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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