so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
