I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
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I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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