btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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