Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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