Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think my moral compass just broke
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
