guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I want a musical about memes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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