someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
