I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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